Don’t think of him as gone away–
his journey’s just begun
life holds so many facets
this earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched…
for nothing loved is ever lost–
and he was loved so much.

~Ellen Brenneman

… blogs will start again shortly…

Val is one of my dearest long-standing friends – we met in 3rd grade, one year after I moved to Florida, and she was a true Sunshine State gal (had never seen snow in her entire life and ended up going to university in upstate NY… I recall our first post-snow convo, “Jenn, I don’t understand how you do this. It’s sooooo cold!!!!”)

After elementary was Omni Middle School and then Olympic Heights, and Val was the smartest girl in our senior class of 420 people. She tutored me in algebra and geometry (and helped me pull off 70s instead of 40s, which was a huge improvement), she had a big trampoline in her backyard and we made movies together for drama class (where she played a crazy mother who was obsessed with cows and killed young girls who threatened her daughter… haha). She loves pugs, and her brother was on our h.s. baseball team so us girls loved to go over on weekends so we could see the hotties from our school all crowded in her living room, which never seemed to faze her.

Val and I helped teach a T-ball team of mentally/physically challenged kids and then we took their pics and made them little baseball cards at the end of the season. She went to Toronto the summer before high school and wrote an essay about it – she didn’t want me to read it because she thought I’d get mad, and this is what she wrote, word for word: “This summer I visited my first foreign country. I couldn’t believe it – they dressed like us, listened to the same kind of music as us and they even had Jansport backpacks!” She also went with the drama club to England over Christmas vacation and it snowed, which was her first time seeing snow. When she showed me pics, there was a dusting of snow and still a lot of green, but she was so excited to have lost her snow virginity that I told her it was great! Val even got me on our high school paper (which was what made Concordia decide to accept me).

She went on to medical school in Philly and was so excited the year she and a partner got their very own corpse to work on – she called me to say, “And it’s so cool Jenn – she looks just like you!”

Danielle (left), me and Val (right), October 24, 2009

Val made the trek from St. Louis to Montreal for my wedding last October, and I will never find the words to describe how honoured and happy I was to have her share in our special day. She was one of the biggest reasons it was so special. And even though our schedules keep us from talking on a regular basis, she and I can always pick up right where we left off.

Today she turns the big 3-0, and no one has worked harder at being a good friend and being successful than Val My Pal, who is now a star pediatrician that I brag about to everyone I know. Have a wonderful day! I love you with my whole heart. Love, Jenn Your Friend xxoo

I am slightly obsessed with the ABC show “What Would You Do?” I love shows that get ya thinking, and this one always hits the spot. They hire actors to recreate “touchy” situations to see whether passers-by will intervene. Most of the time, very few people actually do, and I almost always hope I would be one of those few. But would I?

A sports coach is pushing a child in a park too hard, telling him he’s not allowed to drink any water despite the high temps and calling him “weak,” “lazy,” and “embarrassing”. Out of something like 126 people who witnessed the abuse, only a handful stepped in to say something.

A waiter in a restaurant is patronizing a gay family who are having a meal, telling them to leave because they’re “not normal.” Again, everyone in the diner heard what was going on and yet very few stood up for this family.

A waitress is being sexually harassed by her boss, very clearly saying, “No, don’t touch me. Stop it!” while the manager is copping feels and saying inappropriate things. And while the women dining there seem perturbed by his behaviour, hardly any of them speak up and tell the guy to lay off.

A guy is at a bar trying to take advantage of a clearly drunk woman, coaxing her to come back to his place which is “right around the corner”… someone leaves a dog in a car with the windows up on a hot day… a drunk woman is getting into a car and asks a passer-by to breathe into her car breathalyzer test so she can “just go down the street” (and do you know how many of them actually did it?!?!)

Most people didn’t intervene in certain uncomfortable situations because they felt like it wasn’t their business. I think in many cases the only reason I wouldn’t say something is because I would fear for my own safety – should a young 20-something-year-old approach a guy at a bar and tell him to leave the drunk woman alone, hence possibly risking her own safety?! Maybe the answer is yes but society has instilled an unrealistic or overinflated fear in me.

The show aims to shed light on situations where people didn’t step in, and because of that, someone was hurt or even killed in the process (hence the story of a young 20-something girl who was drunk at a bar and led by a man out of the establishment where he raped and killed her – if someone had intervened and stood up for the girl, she’d be alive today).

So I guess my question is – what would you do? Do you think you’re the type of person who would put their own safety on the line for a complete stranger?

Today’s blog is a two-parter: one part random thoughts and one part an ode to my bestie… But first, some RANDOM THOUGHTS…

1- Commercials that are decibels louder than TV shows have been a common complaint for awhile… so why does it still happen? We have all these incredible evolving technologies and they still haven’t figured out how to make commercials the same volume-level of the TV shows?! WTF??

2- The grocery store is uncomfortably cold, especially when it’s hot outside. I dread the dairy aisle…

3- Who are these god-awful companies that call me with a recording? I’m onto you – if you don’t start talking right away I’m hanging up.

4- I loathe using my apartment’s shared washer and dryer – it costs $3.50 a load (but it has to be small or my clothes don’t dry), it’s down four flights of stairs, and it gives me the heebeegeebees to clean out the lint trap from other people’s clothes. I’m also deathly afraid of that random sock that ends up in my basket and isn’t mine.

5- The same girl has lived downstairs from us for seven years. Every Saturday afternoon she plays the exact same song. I know it by heart. It’s not even a good song. I get the impression she isn’t a very creative girl.

And now, a quick word on my very bestest friend Jackie, who is celebrating a birthday today. Jackie is really like the sister I never had. We’ve been friends for years and never had any sort of falling out because she gets me and I get her. She’s that one person I share everything with, the one who I immediately wanna call when something exciting or equally frustrating has happened because I know she’ll say the right thing. Your family and spouse love you unconditionally because, well, that’s the deal. But when you have a best friend who chooses to love you just as completely, it’s a huge reassurance and comfort. And because she allows me to never feel alone and always feel loved, she deserves the greatest birthday ever! I love you Jackson xxoo

What is a BOOM folder, you say? Well, let me tell you the story behind the coveted BOOM folder…

Once upon a time there was a journalist who didn’t have the thickest skin. She knew criticism was part of the job (a lot of the job, it turns out), but she still couldn’t help but “pull a face” when editors sat her down to tell her allllll the things she’d done wrong, item by item.

And then one day, an email came through, and she opened it and it was from a big PR agency in New York. It said they really enjoyed working with her and that they just wanted to let her know what a great job she’d been doing. She was waiting for the “but,” and it never came. The journalist felt an immense sense of pride and happiness, and decided she’d keep the email as a reminder that she was good at her job. So she created a folder and filed the email in it. And she called this special folder her “BOOM” folder.

I know – it’s totally self-indulgent. But when you have a job where you’re criticized a lot it can become very tiresome, so it’s nice to occasionally flip through some positive feedback. Over the years I’ve received loads of emails to file in my BOOM folder, and in fact several of my colleagues created BOOM folders of their own. We would even send complimentary emails to one another specifically for one another’s BOOM folders, becoming each other’s own BOOM network. It was a huge morale booster.

So if you’re tired of getting stressful, direct, critical, negative emails at work, create your own little BOOM folder. And leave me your email address… I’ll send you your first BOOM message to get you started!

I suffer from migraines – I have since I was a teenager. It’s just one of those unfortunate parts of life that help you appreciate when you don’t have pain. I get them monthly, maybe even bi-monthly, but it’s very tiring worrying about when they’re going to strike and how long they’ll last when they come around (like now – on day three of a doozie!)

But I didn’t get a migraine during my wedding weekend or on any trips (so far), so when I do get em on days like this when I don’t have anything major going on, I’m somewhat grateful (as much as I can be through the throbbing and pounding). When you suffer from chronic pain, it can be very challenging, depressing, and even lonely. I know I’m not the only one who experiences these emotions when I have pain. And having someone who is understanding and compassionate makes all the difference in the world.

I don’t want to use this blog to get all mushy about my husband Mike, but this time, he really deserves a blog in his honour! After 13 years, Mike is still as sweet and sympathetic to my migraines as he’s always been. I can imagine it must be really annoying living with someone in a tiny shoebox of an apartment and having to tiptoe around, someone who complains that you’re “breathing too loudly” when they’re in agony and there’s nothing you can really do to help them. But he does – he knows if I wake up in the middle of the night with a pounding head that the routine is water, pills, a piece of bread (because it’s quiet to chew), and a cold compress. He cleans the tub and runs me hot baths. He’ll rub my neck and even stroke my hair (like my mom used to, something I know he hates but he’ll put up with when I’m in pain). It would be hard to fend for myself when I’m suffering like that. I could do it, but it would be hell, and I know it.

So I wanted to use this Monday blog to show appreciation to the caring, compassionate partners and caretakers out there. It’s hard being a person living with pain, but it’s even harder if you don’t have support, and today I am truly grateful for my bread-bringing head-patting hubs. xxoo…

1- Why can’t they just sell the Lucky Charms’ marshmallows? It’s the only reason people buy that cereal anyway. And it would be nice if they sold jars of Oreo cream…

2- OK, I don’t really want this (because genetic engineering is freaky and I don’t think we should mess with nature like that), but why can’t they make puppies stay as a puppies… imagine if you could get a golden retriever puppy and it would look that flippin’ cute all the time?! OK, you’re still adverse to the idea… maybe this will help:

3- Stop spitting. I mean really – boys, girls, men… it’s a disgusting habit. And you really need to STOP making that horrible horking sound. I don’t want to walk through your bodily fluids. What if I peed on the street (again) – you wouldn’t like that, now would you?

4- Dear lovely husband of mine, When you take something out of a cupboard, pleeeease close the cupboard door. It takes all of two seconds. You had the energy to open it so it really won’t be that hard to close it too. K thanks. Love you.

5- Popcorn belongs at movie theatres. I don’t wanna smell it at work, I don’t wanna smell it wafting through my house, and more than anything, nuked coffee that has remnants of butter flavouring is just icky.

I really only had my first job after I graduated from university (I don’t really count Kids R Us, cleaning for my parent’s company, and a two-week stint as a waitress at Swiss Chalet), I mean a job where you’re using the degree you worked so hard to earn. Many of my friends also started on their career paths around the same time. And obviously we had slews of stories about the managers and company owners we all worked for. Some of us (in fact most of us) had dealt with “the power suit,” the unsympathetic, get-everything-for-nothing workaholic types who had the final unfair say in day-to-day dealings they knew very little about sitting up in “Gotham Towers.” And then there were some of us (in fact very few of us) who had managers who were caring, showed appreciation to their employees through praise and financial compensation, and knew how to command respect and still be understanding and friendly with their workers.

Many of my editorial positions involved working with freelance writers and interns. I hired (and, gulp, fired) them, critiqued their work, and reprimanded them for not following instructions or not making deadlines. I understood that this was part of my role as an editor, and I did it… but I always put myself in their shoes and went about my job as professionally as possible. If I had to send a writer corrections, I always started the email by telling them what I liked about their article, whether it be the angle, sources, or style of writing. I knew from being a freelancer myself that I was always more receptive to construction criticism when I felt like my feature wasn’t just about the weak points. I don’t think I was codling them (as I was once told); I also didn’t think it was a waste of time (“we have too much work to do to be stroking egos…”).  If it took an extra half-hour out of my day to let my writers know they were doing a good job, then so be it – I’d take a shorter lunch. What may take some extra time now would ultimately pay off later – when we broke a story and needed a last-minute, good-quality writer to crank out an article with little turnaround time, I had a whole bank of happy writers who would have bent over backwards to help out.

Being a good “power suit” isn’t just about showing your team appreciation (and by team I don’t mean managers but everyone who is involved in the operation, from administration to HR to the UPS guy who lugs packages up to your office day after day); a great manager also hires people and trusts in their abilities. Micro-managing, as far as I can tell, doesn’t get a company anywhere. The boss ends up feeling like he/she is wasting their time, and the employee feels incompetent.

I think a lot of “the power suits” get all trippy when they’re put into management positions. But if they just thought about what it’s like to be in their employee’s shoes, not collectively but individually – as a parent, or a caretaker of someone who is ill, or someone who is fresh out of school and new to the working world – then maybe some bosses would be able to add compassion and understanding to their management skills. Remember: you’re dealing with people, not workers.

You know that show “18 Kids and Counting” (which is now “19 Kids and Counting”)? They’re a huge, very conservative family profiled on TLC, and I find their wholesomeness really refreshing. Sure, their kids are much more sheltered than most, which may give them a tunneled view of the world, but I think that’s okay. All of their children are obedient, respectful, hardworking, polite kids who seem to take genuine pleasure in helping others (they regularly volunteer, etc.). They’re home-schooled and extremely bright. They seem really social, they’re fun, and although they’re not the “norm,” I think they’re a great example of what a family should be.

And have you ever noticed how absolutely beautiful and healthy each and every one of those children looks? They have the most gorgeous skin and teeth! (But I digress…)

I know they’re corny, but I like corny. I like knowing there are still teenagers out there who don’t have cell phones and don’t know what tweeting is. I think it’s admirable that there are young couples who still save themselves till marriage. I like that there are young boys and girls who have no shame in buying their clothes at a second-hand store, and who understand why they have to do things like chores and go to church.

The world would be a better place with a few more Duggars around (but Michelle doesn’t have to give birth to them – that mother has been through enough!)