I would have been a marine biologist. When I was in elementary school I was completely obsessed with marine biology and ocean life. I think it started in fourth grade when we took a class trip to Sea Camp – three incredible days of snorkeling and learning about tropical fish and the like in Key Largo. We took a nighttime boat ride to collect plankton and spent an evening in a lab looking at them under a microscope – I loved it. We explored the mangrove trees and coral reefs and seagrass areas and John Pennekamp State Park, we saw angel fish and baracuda, and we slept in this big facility where one side was the girl’s bunk room and the other was the boy’s, and we stayed up late giggling and trying to sneak onto the boy’s side without the chaperones catching us. Even though I got completely homesick, as usual, and had my moments where I had to call my parents crying and ask them to come get me, they didn’t, and I stuck it out, and for the most part I only have fantastic memories of my time there.

I came home an expert on everything marine biology-related. My dad took me on another snorkeling trip one weekend to the Keys, and we often went to a local beach where they had a man-made reef you could swim out to from the shore. I got books from the library and learned about the different types of corals and sharks and I loved reading about sting and manta rays. My mom even “adopted a manatee” for me for Christmas – I had a picture of Lily the manatee and was so proud to have my own endangered sea-pet. I was still writing all the time but during those years my books were about whales who were in love, and there were other marine-themed titles like “Save the dolphins while a tragedy happens” (riveting!).

I think if I hadn’t found the path to writing and journalism that I would have been a marine biologist. I don’t have any regrets about the path I chose, but I often wonder what my life would have been like had I followed my childhood dreams… would I have really married a lifeguard named Mike (no joke- that was the name I had picked when I was 9), trained killer whales and lived in Barbie’s Malibu House on the beach?

Because I’ve seen nothing but rain and cruddy weather this week, here are some RANDOM THOUGHTS… on the wrath of Mother Nature in spring.

1- I want galoshes. I say it every spring… fun plaid or polka dot ones with lining. Grocery bags around my feet in my Uggs just don’t cut it as “smart springwear.”

2- I’ve had my eye on this umbrella in a store window downtown that says “Merde, il pleut.” Love it!

3- I used to think the rainbow colours in puddles were pretty when I was a kid – now I know it’s pollution swirling around in acid rain. Sometimes I hate being a grown-up.

4- Someone should invent a CD of “wiper tunes” with songs that stay in beat with working windshield wipers – it’s hard to sing in the car with two different tempos.

5- I used to think that people who put raincoats on their dogs were (ahem) ridiculous, but now that I have a little pup who is low to the ground and gets completely covered in dirty water, sand and grit, I understand the usefulness of this seemingly superficial dog accessory.

I’ve been a smoker since I was 15. When I turned 30 I couldn’t believe I had now been smoking for half of my life, not to mention I grew up in a smoking household, which basically means I’ve had smoke in my body for 30 years.

I’ve quit a number of times. Once I quit on Zyban but I didn’t finish the prescription and ended up going back. The rest of the times I did it cold turkey. Once I hit my six month mark, and within a week I was back to a half a pack a day.

I’ve had people die of lung cancer on BOTH sides of my family.

What IS IT about this DAMN habit that has such a hold on me? I don’t think it’s an actual nicotine addiction – for me I’m addicted to the habit: smoking while driving or on the phone, using cigarettes as a “reward system” (“as soon as I finish this article I’ll have a smoke”), using cigarettes as a security blanket, etc. I genuinely enjoy that after-dinner smoke, and I don’t know how I’ll ever drink wine or coffee without my smoky companion – it’s like fries with ketchup: they just go together.

But it’s gotten to the point that when I lay me down to sleep and start saying my prayers, I am actually asking God for two things: to smack me in the head with reason so I can finally find the inner strength and will and determination to kick my dirty little habit, and the courtesy that God will not strike me down with a smoking-related illness before I come to my senses.

I sound like a heroin addict.

I don’t need any more proof of what smoking does to our bodies – I’ve seen it first-hand when my grandfather (who smoked up to FOUR packs a day) died when I was 16 and then again when my uncle passed away and then AGAIN when my aunt died two years ago. I don’t need to see the dent in my bank account to prove that cigarettes, at almost $10/pack, are a complete waste of money. I just need to give myself  a sturdy kick in the rear.

So I started a Facebook group and a blog, and thought that maybe if a group of us kicked the habit together, we could help each other out through the process, sort of like a support group. So far there’s two of us. But I know there are a bunch of you who want to quit and are looking for a “good time” to do it. Why not now? Lets just DO THIS ALREADY!

We’re all gonna have to quit at some point… either that or wait with bated breath for the inevitable news that we have emphysema or cancer or some other horrible smoking-related illness. Every day that we smoke is another day it will be harder to quit.

What are we waiting for???

1- Whenever I buy a new bottle of honey or maple syrup, it always stays so clean and unsticky… at first. By halfway through it the bottle is covered in a coating of stickiness and the lid stays stuck closed with gooeyness.

2- It’s a good thing the hair on our legs, arms and armpits doesn’t grow incessantly like the hair on our head. You know there would be some moron who would want to see how long it could all get before having to cut it and he’d be walking around like a wooly mammoth.

3- They need more cookbooks about cooking for two – I’m sick of cutting recipes down the middle and finding a way to “half” an egg.

4- Pantyhose are torture. For those women (and I guess the guys) who wear them every day, I salute you.

5- For some reason we have two sizes of forks in our messy cutlery drawer – smaller ones and standard ones. I always go for the smaller forks. It makes me feel more dainty when I eat.

Every time I am invited to an “event” (i.e., wedding, shower, birthday, etc.) I try to remember what that person did for me on my special occasions so I can reciprocate. I have amazing friends and family who were very generous to me and my husband for our wedding and pre-wedding celebrations and I always want to return the niceties.

One day I mentioned to a friend how hard it was to remember who’s given me what over the years and she said to me “You don’t have a list?” A list? “Yes, a database of all the gifts you received for your wedding, bridal shower, etc.?” I was supposed to keep a list? I mean, I had kept a list at the time of the wedding so I could keep track of thank-you cards, but then once that phase of the wedding was over with, I tossed the list.

So I polled some of my friends- do you have a list of gifts you’ve received over the years? And the answer was a resounding “YES!”

Why didn’t anyone share this info with me? Now I’ll be haphazardly handing out wedding and shower gifts without knowing if I’m “matching” what they gave to me. And is that not the ultimate social faux pas?

I don’t know if this list idea is “fair” or “ludicrous.” Aren’t gifts supposed to be based on what you’d LIKE to give that person, not what they gave you? Since I don’t have a list I can’t compare to see if what I give people is the same as they gave me… and that’s okay. When my husband and I got married we had a wedding for our family and friends, not just us, and we had absolutely no expectations when it came to the gifts. Some people called to RSVP and said they weren’t coming because they couldn’t afford to give us a gift, which was the complete OPPOSITE intent of our wedding invitation. We just wanted all of our friends and family to be in one room having the time of their lives in celebration of a happy occasion – after all, I always told Mike during wedding planning season, “People will turn up for two types of events… weddings and funerals. If we have a happy reason to get together we should do it.”

So tell me: Am I the only one who’s isn’t keeping track of gifts with a list? Is the list a good or a bad idea?

I am on Facebook A LOT. Anyone will attest to the fact that I update my status numerous times throughout the day. I use Facebook for different things – to stay in touch with local as well as long-distance friends and family, share pictures, and promote my blog along with my writing. I’ll ask for feedback on different assignments or look for possible interviewees, I stay connected with PR agencies and other magazines, etc., etc.

But the one thing I try not to do on Facebook is let it get too personal or negative. If I’m having a crap day I’ll usually try and find a lighthearted or funny way of expressing it on FB rather than bellyache about life like so many people I know do. I’m not gonna go on there and say things like “My husband is such an idiot – no wonder we’re arguing” (have seen this status) or “FML I can’t ever catch a break” (another one I’ve read).

And WHAT is up with using Facebook to cop out and tell someone how you feel electronically? Over the course of my FB years I’ve been “suddenly” blocked by friends when we’ve had a squabble on several occasions. That’s like the ultimate e-slap across the face. Like REALLY? I would rather you say to me “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore” then have you block me. Man up! What did pioneer women do when they fought with their girlfriends? They told them how they felt (or sent it via pigeon-mail) – they didn’t all of a sudden build a wall around their house so when their friend came by on horseback they were suddenly “invisible” to that person.

I’m a big girl. If you don’t like me or don’t wanna be friends with me that’s NO PROBLEM at all – I have PLENTY amazing, fun, mature friends that I really don’t need you in my life anymore. You’re doing me a favor – really! I have enough parties and weddings and nights out to keep my weekends packed without having to make time for you. But don’t use Facebook to convey feelings or messages on to me… I have a face for that.

1- Tulips are the most beautiful flower. They signify the start of spring and renewal, and they come in such vibrant gorgeous colours. I will have tulips EVERYWHERE when we have a house!

2- When did groceries get sooo expensive? Things like cheese and milk are really pricey, and simple staples such as honey have become luxuries given their cost.

3- And speaking of pricey, greeting cards are ridiculously overpriced. How many people (other than me) actually keep their greeting cards? The average price is around $5 a pop – for a schmaltzy message I could write myself on a $.05 piece of paper.

4- I drink my coffee every morning out of a Santa mug. Christmas makes me so happy, so why wouldn’t I start everyday with St. Nick?

5- I’ve started collecting cake stands. I love them. I look for them in kitchenware stores, antique shops, garage sales… they’re so delicate and purdy.

I don’t wanna be preachy. I’m not some good-doer who is always optimistic with birds landing on my shoulder as I whistle down the street. More often than not I’m the one who gets the bird poop shat on me… I hear that’s good luck.

But I digress… we are all so quick to see the crummy things about our lives – outstanding bills, family squabbles, crap jobs, etc. But how often do we look at the good things, even the seemingly little things? I’m not talking about the obvious, like a huge tax refund (I wish!) or winning a lottery – I’m talking about doing a grocery order. Do you ever think about how lucky we are to 1) have a place to buy alllll kinds of different relatively healthy foods, 2) have the money to buy that food, 3) have a safe way to get that food home, 4) have cabinets in a home to keep the food, not to mention the electricity to run a fridge to preserve other foods…

I wouldn’t blame you if you were rolling your eyes right now – it’s a pretty lofty, overinflated view of something as simple as picking up some groceries. But there are just so many little things we take for granted – our health, having a job (albeit a crap one), clothing, shoes, a safe place to live, a place with opportunities and schools and limitless possibilities. We have clean water and clear air. We have sooo many things that soooo many others don’t, and sometimes, the little things slip under our radars.

Really, do you ever think about the little things?

No, I’m not going to talk about my ambitional dreams (I just made that word up), like publishing a book and meeting Chris Martin of Coldplay. I actually want to delve into the dreams I have at night.

I dream every night. It seems to mostly happen right after I fall asleep or in the early morning hours while I’m dozing on and off till I finally get up. When I dream at night they’re always awful, scary, horrible visions that make me actually whimper and Mike has to wake me up. I often have the “falling dream” where I lose my balance and somehow fall off of a tall building and just as I’m about to smack the pavement I startle awake. I’ve also had the “tooth-falling-out” dream quite a few times, but they’re not so much scary as confusing. And in the morning time I dream of strange, fun things, like flying or swimming as fast as a dolphin. I almost always remember my dreams, and if it’s not immediately then something will happen during my day that will jog my memory and suddenly I remember what I had dreamt.

I’m one to always try and see the bigger picture, so I often wonder if there’s any real meaning to our dreams? Is something in our subconscious trying to tell us something when we dream? Do dreams about your teeth falling out really mean wealth, because if they do, I should win a lottery sooner than later. Do strange foods actually cause strange dreams (it would make sense given my scariest dreams happen just as I’m falling asleep, after gorging on salt and vinegar chips, ice cream and Cinnamon Toast Crunch).

What do you dream?

1- My hands are freezing.

2- I think they build those automatic baby swings for grown-ups… how many times have you longingly watched a little one snoozing peacefully as their swing rhythmically rocks them from side to side wishing you could have something like that? Mounted with a flat-screen TV it would be THE product of the year – get on that Steve Jobs!

3- I hate all the computer-generated cartoons that are on nowadays. What happened to good ol’ fashioned hand-drawn Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry cartoons?

4- Nothing makes me happier than a great highlighter that glides easily and is wide enough to highlight an entire line of text evenly. It’s the little things that bring me joy.

5- I wish I could bite my nails. My teeth don’t meet so I can’t do it. But at least it would be a bad habit that really wouldn’t be bad for my health.