Thanksgiving in the States was amazing – three days off of school, loads of great food, and if we were lucky, fresh humidity-free weather where we could open all the windows in our house and let in the cool breeze. When I was a teenager I guess, like most, I thought Thanksgiving was kinda dull – it was always just us and my grandparents, and one holiday seemed to blend into the next. But now, looking back, I wish more than anything that I had relished in those days and taken it all in more… because today I would do anything to sit around the dinner table and have my grandfather there.

My mom was always a pro at big holiday meals… she made it look so easy, and she made it sooooo delicious! Turkeys, hams, and roasts, loads of sides, and always the most decadent of desserts (I still request Hungarian raspberry jam cake and my brother will forever be addicted to her brownies with homemade frosting). The table was always beautifully set with certain dishes we only saw on those special days, and dinner was always on time – she did it all like a choreographed dance. My dad would help too but he was more about keeping us busy and out of the kitchen – he’d wrangle up all the kids who lived on our cul-de-sac to get a game of ball hockey going, and on Christmas Eves he and a bunch of neighbours would go down to the local ice rink and gather the snow that had been cleared by the zamboni and then brought it home to dump on our front lawn so the neighbourhood kids could have a snowball fight (OK, and the grown-ups would play too).

I also loved having a holiday outfit. That probably stopped around the age of 12 but I remember, before every Thanksgiving/Christmas, my mom and I would go shopping to find a new dress or pants suit for the holidays (yes, a pants suit – it was the late 80s and early 90s people!). I loved getting all dolled up for a holiday, and being the little girl who everyone oohed and ahhed over.

I will forever remember holidays in Florida. I definitely took them for granted at the time, but I feel so lucky to have such wonderful memories of Thanksgivings and Christmases…

I’ve always had a small family to begin with – my mom was an only child and my dad had two siblings. I’d lost two out of four grandparents by the time I was four, so I really only knew the other two. And since my last year of high school, I’ve lost the majority of my family – first it was my grandfather, then my last grandparent- my grandmother, followed by two uncles and an aunt (and a great-grandmother, who did live to be 102 but who didn’t know me as family, just a perky young girl who came to her nursing home bearing gifts of sour cream and rice pudding, two of her favourites). There were also losses on my husband’s side, tragic ones at that, and it seemed that every year was marked by another sad passing on.

It was heartbreaking – each loss hurt as much as the last, if not more, and I felt a void growing in my heart. There was a point where I didn’t know how much more I could take.

But then I started noticing a pattern – it seemed that with each death there was a birth. Strangely enough, the circle of life seemed to be unfolding before me… people slowly left my life but new wonderful blessings entered, and they were the babies. First there was Serenity, our niece, and it was so exciting to have a little one to spoil on birthdays and holidays. Then there was baby Michael and Mayson, the first babies in our group of friends, and they were sweet and loving, and I still swoon every time I see them. And then the pregnancy and birth announcements seemed to spill over in waves – bouncing baby boys and girls, and weekends filled with hospital visits, “Congrats” mylar balloons in hand, and baptisms, and birthday parties.

As I slowly let the void in my heart fill with the love I had for these new little people in my life, it’s as if I almost started feeling the warmth and security of those I had lost around me more. I always knew I had guardian angels in the loved ones who had passed, but it was only when I let my heart feel them that I truly found contentment. I stopped questioning things in my life, like wondering what the point was to growing close to people only to have them snatched away, leaving behind hurt and sadness. It was because they didn’t leave behind sadness – they left behind legacies. Each of them touched the different people in their lives in unique ways and helped them each become the people they are today. And it’s my grandparents and aunts and uncles who made me who I am… and it’s the babies who also help keep me grounded today.

I never lost people in my family… they’re forever with me. And in some ways, I feel like they had to move on, to make room in my heart for the new loves of my life. The ones I have lost I still have, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to still have so many wonderful, incredible people in my life.

By no means would I fancy myself (or insult my photographer friends) a photographer. My husband bought me an incredible camera (a Canon Rebel) for my 30th birthday, and I’ve been dabbling with it ever since (as my friends will attest… since I’m forever sticking a lens in either their faces or their children’s faces). I think the practice has helped me to improve a bit, but being good in photography is much like being a writer or an artist in that you’ve either got the skills or you don’t. It’s something that can be taught but only up until a certain point and then your natural abilities have to kick in. I’m not sure I have a lot of natural photography abilities but I’m working my darndest at improving as much as I can.

Babies and kiddies are super easy to photograph because they’re cute, plain and simple. However capturing genuine candid shots of people mingling at a party is tricky – I tend to get a lot of half-blinking mouth-agape shots (not very flattering for my subjects). And a great landscape is easy to shoot – it looks so beautiful on its own that my photography known-how isn’t all that necessary.

In any case I know a lot of VERY gifted and talented photographers who inspire me, so I’ll keep at it. I’m creating a collage of framed photos I’ve taken for a wall in my office, so here’s a sampling of some of my shots.

Mmmm- the first time I made these Mike said I should package them and sell em! I’ve had a few requests for this yummy recipe so here ya go…

1 cup butter-flavoured shortening (I just use butter)

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

3 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

FILLING:

1/2 cup creamy peanut butter

3 cups confectioners’ sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

5 to 6 tablespoons of milk

In a large mixing bowl cream the shortening, peanut butter, and sugars. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add vanilla. Combine flour, baking soda, and salt; add to creamed mixture and mix well.

Shape into one-inch balls and place two inches apart on ungreased baking sheets. Flatten to 3/8-inch thickness with a fork. Bake at 375 for 7-8 minutes or until golden. Remove to wire racks to cool.

For filling, in a large mixing bowl, beat the peanut butter, confectioners’ sugar, vanilla, and enough milk to achieve spreading consistency. Spread on half of the cookies and top each with another cookie. Yield: 2 dozen sandwich cookies.

First off, let me begin this blog by saying I’M SORRY!!!!! I know I have been MIA for much too long, and so many of you have been so sweet and told me how much you missed my blogs. I can tell you that as a writer that means more than anything. So I apologize for the absence and promise to try and be better about writing my ridiculous observances, rants, and, of course, RANDOM THOUGHTS…

Phew, OK, so here’s the sum-up: we’re in the new house and life is just grand. I would dream of what it would be like to have my own house when we were in our apartment but it’s so much better. I’ll be standing at the sink washing dishes and look up and realize I have that window with the big beautiful tree in sight that I had hoped for. I’ll crank up the radio in my office (MY OFFICE) and not worry about the neighbours complaining about noise, or I’ll be cooking a big elaborate meal and conveniently will have a myriad of things on the go with plenty of counterspace and room to get it all done, and I just stop for a moment and smile… being a homeowner is bliss.

Decorating a home, however, is like going to the dentist – you know it’s something you have to do and yet you dread everything that goes along with it. We bought all new furniture and that was relatively painless, but it’s the extras – rugs, curtains, light fixtures, WALL DECOR (grrr!) – that is so frustrating. We’ve exhausted the stores. Now it’s just a matter of waiting to stumble upon that “perfect” item – why just settle for the sake of buying something? But still, it can be annoying to have a very clean and new but very stark space. Everything echoes without the added padding of carpets, and the walls are simply too bare. I write about home decor on a regular basis and have for (gulp!) almost a decade, but I find decorating to be so tricky!

So I’ve been scouring the net and all the beautiful design blogs I know looking for some inspiration. Here’s what I’ve got so far…

Guest room – love the dashes of apple green amongst the blue and white

We have green and white bedding in our bedroom and black furniture (with a more prominent headboard as well as two end tables) but I’d love to have a green accent wall!

We have a sunroom with tons of windows… I would love a bold floral print like this (and this rattan furniture is very cute!)